Will witty Narendra Modi have the last laugh?

If comedy kings Raju Srivastav, Navjot Singh Sidhu and Shekhar Suman are invading the political stage, Modi is intruding on their comic space. 

While a creative Modi has spun one-liners, hate has been missing from his stinging speeches. Instead, satire is his favourite weapon against his targets these days. His barbs at the Gandhi family and Congress are laced with wit, humour and repartee. If Congress has refrained from provoking or reacting to Modi, the CM has invented ways of hitting the headlines. 

Coming handy are his early lessons in theatre and his ability to connect with the audience. Academic records at his school in Vadnagar, and some teachers are alive to authenticate that, show that though an average student, Modi used to excel in theatre. 

Those who have seen Modi from close quarters say this election has unmasked a new aspect of the leader - his humour. Call it part of his image makeover excercise to wish away the taint of the 2002 riots, but he has clearly conceded the hate space to Varun Gandhi, if some detractors in the party wanted it this way. 

What Varun was saying in Pilibhit last month matched what Modi had spoken during the Gujarat Gaurav Yatra in Chanasma before the December 2002 Assembly elections, tapes of which were sent then to the Election Commission. Even then, Modi was careful with his words while he aroused hate. 

He could have endorsed Varun's venom. Instead, in a TV interview, he casually brushed the issue aside saying it was sub-judice. "There is a shade of A B Vajpayee in Modi this time. Vajpayee's speeches were full of wit, which endeared him to the voter,'' said a senior BJP leader, adding that there was a coarseness in Modi's humour which the common man would find more appealing. 

Riot of laughter 

* O Ba, O Ma 

When terrorists attacked Mumbai, Congress leaders rushed to the US. They should have gone to Pakistan. In the US, they pleaded O Ba, O Ma... please save us 

* Budhiya 

Terminology to describe Congress as a 125-year-old party. This sent Modi's TRPs soaring 

* Gudiya 

Priyanka Gandhi, who reacted to Modi. Since then, the Gandhis are silent 

* SRP is after me 

S for Sonia, R for Rahul and P for Priyanka. In this age of SMS, abbreviations are an in thing, he says 

* Not MAR but RAM 

Before Congress could say MAR (Modi, Advani and Rajnath), Modi put it in their mouth. He said they should respect seniority. "They should have called us RAM (Rajnath, Advani and Modi). But something stops them from saying RAM 

* Kapadwala, Dabbawala, Gas Batlawala 

Congress troika of Shankersinh Vaghela (textiles minister), Naran Rathwa (railway minister) and Dinsha Patel (petroleum minister) 

* Middlemen Congressmen 

Congress manifesto promised wheat at Rs 3 a kg to the poor, Modi joked that Gujarat government was selling wheat at Rs 2 a kg. The Congress would buy wheat from Gujarat at Rs 2 per kg and sell it for Rs 3 per kg. 

*Soniaben's homework 

She mixes up the script. The other day, she spoke in Jetpur about Sujalam Sufalam. This speech was to be read out at Kheralu which has a Sujalam Sufalam project. 

$27bn flows out illegally every year from India

Just when a partisan debate rages over the issue of billions of black money hoarded abroad by India's corrupt, a US-based organisation 

— Global Financial Integrity (GFI) — has ranked the country fifth in the list of 160 developing countries suffering from the outflow of huge amounts of money through illicit channels. 

Quoting its report -- 'Illicit Financial Flows from Developing Countries: 2002-06' — which came out in December last year, GFI said total illicit financial outflows from India during the period averaged from a low of $22.7 billion to a high of $27.3 billion per year. 

The report comes bang in the middle of a confrontation between Congress and BJP over the latter's promise to bring the illegal billions back. 

Congress has accused the BJP of exaggerating the issue by distorting facts for partisan ends. It, along with the Left, has also accused BJP of not taking measures to tackle the problem during NDA's tenure at the Centre. The BJP has returned the fire with full force, accusing Congress of ignoring the issue. 

GFI director Raymond Baker said it was not just India's problem. "In 2006, total outflows from developing countries outpaced incoming official development assistance (ODA) by a ratio of 10 to 1. This means that for every $1 in ODA a developing country received, $10 was lost due to illicit financial outflows," he said. 

China topped the list of countries for illicit outflows with $233bn-$289bn, followed by Saudi Arabia ($54bn-$55bn), Mexico ($41bn-$46bn) and Russia ($32bn-$38bn). 

The issue of money taken illegally abroad and stashed in tax havens has recently acquired prominence because of the feeling, encouraged by the global slowdown, that days of secret banking are over. The consensus was reflected in the recent meeting of G-20, and has been strengthened by the promises of Swiss authorities to cooperate with demands, provided they are backed up by specific details, for investigation into accounts in banks within their jurisdiction. 

In India, Supreme Court has taken up the matter following a PIL by a group of well-known citizens. 

The Centre has promised to get back to the court this week with details of what it has done to deal with the issue, particularly with regard to details of 1,400 accounts with a bank in Liechtenstein which has been made available by German authorities. 

The GFI report estimated that total illicit capital flight from developing countries was as high as $1 trillion per year during 2002-06. The illegal outflows involve activities such as corruption (bribery and embezzlement of national wealth) and proceeds of licit business that becomes illicit when transported across borders in violation of laws and regulatory frameworks. 

Baker said, "This massive loss of assets is the greatest impediment to economic development and poverty alleviation and should be of concern to all nations." 

The GFI report is based on examination of trade and external debt data from 2002-06 maintained by the International Monetary Fund (IMF) and the World Bank. 

Funny Campaign Advertisements

The defensive posture of the Congress is really amusing. It is trying to convince people with statements that even Congressmen cannot convince themselves with. The latest of these is 'Congress does not have a problem if Afzal is hanged'. Here we don't even have to ask why he hasn't been hanged till now. It is all so obvious. Then there is the Swiss bank accounts issue.

All I have seen this elections is that Congress has initially denied everything that BJP accused it of. But then it surrenders with lots of ifs and buts added. It has made a joke of itself. Our 'strong' PM acknowledges that there are links between terrorists across the border and Indian terrorists belonging to a particular community (read Muslims). So he devises a solution : community policing is the best thing to do. Ok, we accept this partly....but can the PM please tell us what if community policing fails or it does not happen? What is the role of the state?

The economy was fine and now the PM will revive it in 100 days if voted to power. What has he been doing all these months? He had much more than 100 days available to him.

Grow up Congress men....people of this country have much sharper intellect than you think they do. You are insulting them if you think otherwise. I get to watch some campaign advertisements of the Congress on TV and really...they are better than the best comedy shows on air. Some of them are:

1. Prices are falling - vote for Congress

2. Na main Hindu hoon, na Musalman, na Sikh, na Isai - main ek Bhartiya hun - Vote for Congress. This one definitely needs a big correction. It can be tweaked like this: main ek Bhartiya tha...par mujhe Musalman, Isai banaya Congress ne..to kya main Congress ko vote karoon?

3. Another ad is on the lines of the above ad. Here I would say - Party jo mile hue rangon ko alag kare ek hi hai - Congress . So don't vote for Congress.

4. This one is the funniest: Join/support Congress in fighting terrorism.

TOI-My God, I am so sick of this newspaper. Only voices that support the Congress or its allies and are against the BJP are covered by its reporters. As if the opinion of others doesn't matter. One thing I would definitely like to say to TOI - YOU ARE UNFIT TO RUN THE LEAD INDIA CONTEST. You are the least bothered about this country and its welfare. So stop this gimmick.

Another characteristic of Congressmen including Kapil Sabil I have noticed is that they don't have the basic etiquettes of debating. They never let the other person finish what he has to say. I know this is a sharp tool for fooling some people....but others can make out. So before you go out to debate..go back to school and learn the rules. You only spoil your already spoilt image.

War room

While Barack Obama is busy formulating an Af-Pak policy, we are busy in melting-point informatics and "my brother Rahul will become PM one day" 

kind of family employment schemes. The Prime Minister "revealed" to a group of journalists that he had decided to resign if the nuclear deal with the US was not passed in Parliament. To fulfil his "kasam" to Washington, he silently saw the lawmakers' highest body turn into a mandi. 

For him, his "kasam" was more important than the "maryada" of his nation's parliament. 

I wish he had honoured in the same way his "kasam" to the Indian people – the oath he took while taking the office of Prime Minister, that bound him to protecting the lives of his people and giving a government that treated all citizens equally. 

Pota was removed to please Muslims. A special reservation scheme was implemented at Aligarh Muslim University to have seats for a particular religious group reserved. 

The Planning Commission allocated Rs 3,000 crore for minority (read Muslim) development schemes and banks were directed to give loans to the minorities at a special consideration. To address Kashmiri Muslim "sentiments", Afzal's hanging was delayed till the next government is formed. Ram Sethu was brutally assaulted and Rama's existence was denied – all before the eyes of Mr Nice and Dr Decent. Not a single word was spoken to address the sentiments of Hindus. 

He kept a studied silence seeing the butchers of 1984 being protected and promoted as party candidates for Lok Sabha elections till a shoe throw compelled the leader to delist them. 

So much for his "kasam" to provide impartial governance. 

The "kasam" to protect the people and safeguard the honour of soldiers was "fulfilled" in such a manner that soldiers returned their war decorations and had to demonstrate like pariahs at Jantar Mantar. The government was busy decorating the liars and voices of terrorists. 

And now, there is a controversy regarding a story sourced to the Special Investigating Tribunal blaming certain NGOs for cooking up ghastly stories of barbarism, which, the report says, never occurred. The person who has been charged having helped file such "cooked up" stories became a darling of the secular media noises in Delhi who would present her stories like a constitutional tribunal's report. 

There is a contradiction which is further confusing as SIT is still silent on it. For the sake of justice and fair play, the truth must be investigated and the honour of the people, whichever side they might belong to, be restored. If the Kausar Bi story was filed truthfully, the criminals must be hanged in public along with the perpetrators of Godhra. But if it was a fabrication, the "writer" must be punished because if a mind can cook up such ghastly scenes, what will be the difference between what Kasab and his gang did in Mumbai and what these pen-pushers of the secular chill club do to India and her people? A writer more known in London wrote a story as spine chilling as was the Godhra fire. It read, "A mob surrounded the house of former Congress MP Iqbal Ehsan Jaffri. His phone calls to the Director-General of Police, the Police Commissioner, the Chief Secretary, the Additional Chief Secretary (Home) were ignored. The mobile police vans around his house did not intervene. The mob broke into the house. They stripped his daughters and burned them alive. Then they beheaded Ehsan Jaffri and dismembered him. Of course it’s only a coincidence that Jaffri was a trenchant critic of Gujarat Chief Minister, Narendra Modi, during his campaign for the Rajkot Assembly by-election in February.'(Arundhati Roy’s article, Outlook, dated 6 May 2002). 

Ehsaan was killed but the rest of the story was false for which Roy had to apologize. A people traumatized, painted black all over the globe, their character mutilated and just an apology? 

And who were those killed in the Godhra train who never got a line from these "chroniclers of human tragedies"? 

Just waste paper? 

Read what the Union minister of state for home, Shriprakash Jaiswal, who belongs to the Congress, told Parliament on May 11, 2005: "790 Muslims and 254 Hindus were killed in the riots, 2,548 people were injured and 223 people were missing." 

Who were those killed in Gujarat riots along with Muslims? 

Just dirt? 

The hate-Hindu cartel represents the hate of Ghaznis and Ghauris. They survive on the funds given to them by Congress-Communist groups and state powers controlled by them. Their social acceptability and glamour is enhanced by "praise for each other" societies. And Mr Nice and Dr Decent pats them with state awards. 

Amid cacophony and intemperate language laced with shoe throws, criminals and convicted actors are having a field day canvassing for their parties and though a mature and stable democracy we pretend to be, the first casualty in this situation has been decency in public debate. 

The poll scene has turned the nation into a war room. The last 62 years have witnessed our motherland's vivisection, a million people killed, 1.25 lakh sq km of land illegally occupied by aliens, massacres by Pakistani marauders in Mirpur and in Bihar by Maoist terror outfits, the jeep purchase scandal in 1948, a humiliation like 1962 when ordnance factories were ordered to make coffee machines instead on rifles, the Nagarwala mystery, the submarine scandal, wheat import commissions, farmers' suicides, forced exile of Kashmiri Hindus and desecration of more than 172 temples. The list is ever-growing amid inspiring stories of Indian people’s perseverance and achievements. 

Isn't it time we rose above fault lines, gave a chance to an India that would make every Indian of every denomination, faith, colour and creed an equally proud partner? Can't we think and vote on issues that overpower religious, caste-based and parochial concerns? Will this war room kind of atmosphere result in a decisive mandate?