Good relationships don’t just happen. I’ve heard many of my clients state that, “If I have to work at it, then it’s not the right relationship." This is not a true statement, any more than it’s true that you don’t have to work at good physical health through exercise, eating well, and stress reduction.
TAKE Responsibility for yourself.
This is the most important choice you can make to improve your relationship. This means that you learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs. This means that instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure, you learn how to do this for yourself through your own thoughts and actions. This means learning to treat yourself with kindness, caring, compassion, and acceptance instead of self-judgment. Self-judgment will always make you feel unhappy and insecure, no matter how wonderfully your partner is treating you.
Tell him what turns you on.
Instead of being bored in the bedroom, tell him what turns you on. If you want to be satisfied when it comes to sex, you can't be shy. Let him know what you like (and don't like), and encourage him to do the same.
Get away for the weekend.
You don't need a holiday as an excuse for a weekend together. Rent a cabin in the mountains or a room at a spa resort. Even if you don't go out of town, the change of scenery at a hotel or bed-and-breakfast can give your relationship a romantic boost.
Schedule sex.
Work, kids and other obligations can leave very little time for sex. So, put it on your calendar. On the first of the month, schedule sex appointments with your husband for the entire month. Do your best to keep every appointment.
Create date times.
When people first fall in love, they make time for each other. Then, especially after getting married, they get busy. Relationships need time to thrive. It is vitally important to set aside specific times to be together – to talk, play, make love. Intimacy cannot be maintained without time together.
Fun and play
We all know that “work without play makes Jack a dull boy." Work without play makes for dull relationships as well. Relationships flourish when people laugh together, play together, and when humor is a part of everyday life. Stop taking everything so seriously and learn to see the funny side of life. Intimacy flourishes when there is lightness of being, not when everything is heavy.
Stay fit & healthy.
What would a resolution list be without mentioning health and fitness? Instead of committing to losing X number of pounds, commit to staying fit and healthy. If you haven't had a checkup lately, schedule it today. Work out and shop for healthy foods together. Being fit and healthy will make you feel better about yourself -- and improve your sex life.
10 Ways to Boost the Romance
- Leave a Polaroid of yourself in his briefcase or car. What you're wearing (or not wearing) is up to you!
- Make an "I love you" coupon book that each of you can use when you feel like it. Some coupon ideas include: Kiss me here. Wear my favorite ___ . Act out a fantasy. Give me a 10-minute massage.
- Plan a weekend away together. Make it an erotic vacation, no matter where you go. Bring toys and lubricant, order room service, have no contact with the outside world (unless it's an emergency), and indulge in food and drink. It doesn't have to be expensive, but if you want it to be, then make a plan for saving up — it'll give you something to look forward to.
- Try a female-friendly erotic video. Contrary to popular belief, women benefit from watching sexy videos as much as men do. Maybe you'll be inspired to try something new. Pick a video that you think you'll like — it may not be his first choice, but he'll be thrilled anyway!
- Call your partner in the middle of the day and explain what you want to do to him later that night. You can get graphic or you can be coy and seductive, with subtle, come-home-soon hints.
- Have sex with your eyes open to heighten your connection. Keep your eyes locked on each other during the especially passionate moments (the ones we normally close our eyes during). Look at each other when one or both you orgasms.
- Take a bath together. Make sure to include candles and essential oil, such as lavender oil. Take turns washing each other. Include a waterproof toy if you'd like.
- Spend five minutes kissing — it's the only thing that will help you rediscover the passion and sensuality that your kisses hold! Plus, it can remind you of your first kiss.
- Write him a note about your most memorable sexual encounter or time together. It will spark your memory and get the creative juices flowing.
- Have a "giving" day. One of you agrees to completely give, with no expectations about what you'll get in return. From breakfast in bed to an out-of-the-ordinary treat to sex later that night, one of you shows your love for the other and thereby increases intimacy for both of you.
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