Tips for Communicating with your Partner About Sex

Communicating about your sexual needs is how to get them satisfied!

Communication is by far the most important ‘sexual enhancement’, because when you’re engaged in each other mentally it’s easier to connect sexually. There’s also the fact that your partner can’t read your mind, so helping them out by communicating your sexual needswill just make it that much more likely to get exactly what satisfies you!

There are a lot of reasons to keep the communication lines open when it comes to your sexual needs, however there is one aspect that is paramount. Recognizing that keeping your mind open to your partners needs builds intimacy & trust…two things that also result in hotter sex!

This article is about communicating your partner about your sexual needs as well as suggestions on how to be open to your partners desires. A list of tips for communicating duringsex will be coming up next!

Here are seven simple and easy tips to communicate effectively: 

1. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

2. Do what you say and say what you do.

3. Your thoughts and feelings, needs and wants, likes and dislikes are valid and legitimate. It is your job to own your internal experience. That means identify what is going on for you inside yourself, learn to language it and find the courage to express it. Ownership implies that you know and believe that you are okay with who you are, and how you experience and react to your inside and outside worlds. Other people do not have to understand or agree in order for your experiences to be valid, legitimate and respected. This is about you!

4. Other people's feelings are also legit. Just as your thoughts and feelings, needs and wants, likes and dislikes and internal experiences are valid and legitimate, so are those things of others. You may or may not understand. Please, respect their experience(s). Your response? Agree to disagree. Accept without agreeing. This is about them! This is not about you.

5. Pay attention to needs. When a need is unmet it becomes an issue. We have many opportunities to experience and express issues in our marriages. Common ways to respond, although unproductive and harmful, are to complain, blame and criticize. Next time you experience an issue try making a request. Identify what you need or want or what you want someone to do or say differently, then, make a request. Focus on what you want to happen, instead of what isn’t happening or what happened that you didn’t like.

6. Learn to tell your whole truth. Notice I didn’t say the truth. Your truth is your recognition of what you are experiencing inside yourself and outside of yourself at any given moment. If you are experiencing an upset or a disappointment, you may know or understand less about what you are experiencing than at other times. Find the courage to say as much as you can about what you think, feel, need and want. When you have more clarity or additional knowing be sure to share them with you partner.

7. Be a good listener. Listening is an essential and valuable skill. Becoming a good listener takes time and practice, and is enormously appreciated by others. When you are engaged in a meaningful conversation, say to your spouse, "Tell me more." This is a special invitation that conveys your interest, and intention to listen and really know them and understand the issue.

Tips for Communicating with Your Partner WRITE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND CONCERNS.

Sure, you may not view writing about your feelings and concerns as communicating well, but it does help. When you are writing about your feelings and concerns, it will help you clarify the issues you are having by yourself. This is a good way to practice the way you are going to communicate with your partner.

WRITING A LETTER.

Remember back when you used to write love letters to your partner when things were just starting out? Sometimes, the best way to communicate with your partner about sex would be to write them a letter. Sure, this may sound old school, but sometimes, writing is better. Personally, I can communicate better writing letters with people. When you write the letter, you will also be looking at things from a different perspective.

PRACTICE TALKING.

If you are nervous about speaking with your partner, then practicing will help you. You can practice with a friend you can trust or you can sit in front of a mirror alone and talk.

GIVE YOUR PARTNER TIME.

When you are speaking with your partner about sex, give them time to process everything that you have said. Time will allow both you and the partner to respond correctly. This way, the both of you will not feel pressured or rushed. Take note that sexual communication is an ongoing process.

EYE CONTACT.

When you are communicating with your partner, it is important that you keep eye contact. This way, you will be able to connect with one another emotionally.

DON’T RAISE YOUR VOICE.

When you are communicating with each other, there is no need to raise your voice. If your partner does not see eye to eye with you, then do not get mad at him or her. Just tell them you wish they would think about what you are talking about. Tell them you will give it some time. Together, the both of you can come up with a way that you both agree on.

OPENING LINES.

If you are having a problem communicating with your partner about sex, then you can come up with an opening line that will ease those problems. When I say opening lines, I do not mean “I need to talk to you.” I mean, if you are having problems with premature ejaculation start off by something like “Do you enjoy your sex life?” After the opening line, see what your partner says and then take it from there.

 BE UNDERSTANDING.

There are chances that your partner is just like you and has a hard time communicating about sex. You need to be understanding. If they are quiet, then this is because they are embarrassed. Ask them if they are embarrassed, tell them not to be embarrassed that you just want things to be better.

BE COMFORTABLE.

When you are talking with your partner about anything, it is important that you are comfortable. As you are speaking with them, you should also have a clear mind and not be worrying about anything else.

Those are top tips on how to communicate with your partner about sex. Personally, I enjoy writing a letter (or an email) to my partner to get my problems out. I also enjoy talking with my husband through instant messenger. I find it easier to communicate this way, plus it is fun as it brings back memories of the old days. Do you have any problems communicating with your partner? How have you addressed these problems?