- Oscar Wilde
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
- Woody Allen
The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
- Woody Allen
Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
There's a certain part of the contented majority who love anybody who is worth a billion dollars.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.
- Coleridge
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
- Agatha Christie
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time.
- Funny quotes Honore De Balzac
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
- Steve Martin
You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.
- Funny love quote by Melanie Clark
Arguments are unsafe with wives, because they examine them; but they do not examine compliments. One can pass upon a wife a compliment that is three-fourths base metal; she will not even bite it to see if it is good; all she notices is the size of it, not the quality.
- Hellfire Hotchkiss
What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.
- Pearl Bailey
I love making friends.... it's people I can't stand.
- Linus
Whenever I date a guy, I think, is the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Funny love quotes by Rita Rudner
I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
- Patrick Murra
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
- Milton Berle
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