7 habits of unhappy people

It’s only when we realise and acknowledge that we are each 100% responsible for our happiness that we start to ‘notice’ the things that we do that creates our unhappiness. Only when we fully accept responsibility for our own happiness will we start to eliminate the habits that sabotage our contentment and joy. They are habits that many of us have learned to justify (a habit in itself!) as we often don’t want to see and accept that they are the cause of our unhappiness. They are also habits that we sometimes want to see as ‘natural’ as they ‘seem’ to form the very fabric of our day-to-day relationships. They are the 7 habits of highly unhappy people.


Judging
Have you noticed when you judge another you lose your inner peace? And inner peace is the primary ingredient of authentic happiness. Not only do we learn to judge but close on the mental heals of our judgements often comes the sentence and the punishment! All together (judgment, sentence and punishment) they make up the package called ‘condemnation’ which is guaranteed happiness killer!

Criticising
When we criticise it means we are attacking and somewhere ‘in there’ is usually anger albeit in a milder form. And when you are angry you cannot be happy. Yes some of us do attempt to justify our attack by calling it ‘constructive criticism’ but if there is any anger present it’s more often revenge or punishment in disguise! Definitely not a happy habit but a common one all the same.


Complaining
It seems to be endemic in some cultures to complain. Complaining signals the presence of upsetness and therefore the absence of happiness. Whereas in ‘giving feedback’ and ‘making a request’ ensures there is no discontentment. Easy theory, but hard to practice, especially if we have been playing that old ‘complaining record’ all our life.


Blaming
Projecting blame onto someone else is not only a happiness killer but usually a strategy to avoid responsibility. It’s driven by the perfect combination of anger and fear and is therefore a painful cry that sounds like, “It’s all your fault”, but which, when decoded, really means, “I have just made my self very unhappy”!


Arguing
Trying to prove we are right, or attempting to make the other as right as us, is usually both a tense and grumpy affair. Neither side is happy in the process, and even if it seems one side has won, any happiness is short lived until the next opportunity to ‘be right’ is craved for and invoked! To argue is to tell the world that we prefer misery to merriment!


Competing
It’s not so easy to see why the habit of competing is an unhappy pastime. Most of us have assimilated the belief that competition is good, fun and even joyful.

But all we have to do is glance at the faces of long distance runners, tennis players and even snooker players and we will see 99% of the game is played in a state of abject suffering. Occasionally, in the middle of the game or the match, someone will let a little joy slip out, but it doesn’t last long. All competition contains fear by definition, which along with anger, are the sworn enemies of happiness.


Controlling
Attempting to make others dance to our tune is always an impossible task. Expecting the world to be and do as we would wish is an expectation too far. Both are demonstrations that we still believe others are responsible for our happiness. It is a belief by which the world runs. If the truth were realise and lived i.e. that we are each responsible for our own happiness, the world would be a very different planet on which to live. One day perhaps!


So there you have it. Only seven of many habits that we activate sometimes several times a day. In so doing we block the light of the sun of happiness from shinning through our life. Each habit is embedded in a culture in which it has become socially acceptable to think and act in such ways. And so it is that we unknowingly collude with each other to sustain our unhappiness. And as we do we gift the 7 habits of highly unhappy people to the next generation!


Question: Which of the above do you find yourself doing most frequently (rate each on a scale of 1 Low to 5 high)


Reflection: Why do you think we all learn to sustain our own unhappiness and not realise that we do so?


Action: Take ten minutes and decide what would be the positive equivalent of each of the above
LIFE IS CALLING. . . WHERE ARE YOU?

The Four Principles of Spirituality

Case Dismissed & English Is A Phunny Language

A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.

When she noticed a young man smiling at her, she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more, she filed a court case on him.

In the court the man's defense was: 'When the lady boarded the bus, I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement,

which read 'Coming Soon - The unknown boon'..

I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving cream advertisement, which read:

'William's stick..... did the trick'..

Then I could not control myself any longer, when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:

'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident'..

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The case was dismissed. The judge fell off his chair laughing..!

English Is A Phunny Language

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Principal to student... : " Tomorrow call your parents especially mother and father
(Any other options???)
_____________________________
Class teacher once said :

"Pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"
(Who??? paper or student???)

_____________________________

Once Hindi teacher said...."I'm going out of the world to America..."
(hmmm...interesting)

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"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK..."
(Topsyturvy)

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Don't laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....
(Grrr....this person needs Basic Communication Skills Class Room Training)

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It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. And then she said

"why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)
(New Discovery!!!)

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Teacher in a furious mood...

Write down your name and father of your name!!
(Excuse me...)

_____________________________

"Shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"
(Gr8...is he a satellite or sumthing???)


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"I'll illustrate what I have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board
(What an illustration...I like this professor)

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"Will you hang that calendar or else I'll HANG MYSELF"
(Well, you can proceed, would U like to leave a note behind as well...)
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LIBRARIAN SCOLDED," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN, I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"
(That will be better....)

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Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...

"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"
(No Comments...!!!)

_____________________________

"Why are you looking at the monkeys outside when I am in the class?!"
(Because we want to check similarities :-) )

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Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code...

"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??
(In terms of 1's n 0's)

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Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class,
"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"
(2 minz of silence)
_____________________________

The master told the students who were notorious.
"Hey, from tomorrow onwards you both come together separately"
(Make it possible and I will reward my life time savings...)
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Master to his students "Do you know? I have 2 daughters. Both are girls!!!"
(You need some counselling dude...)

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Hindi master to his students by pointing his scooter that is parked under a tree,
"See there.My scooter is understanding the tree!!!"
(Wow... )
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master rocks again, "Okay guys, all of you stand in a straight circle!" (Wow what an oxymoron...) _____________________________

Delivery according to Corporate World 1) Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.

2) Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; They'll produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

And lastly...

9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby.

Purrfect Resume (Don't Miss the Climax

OUR NEW SECRETARY'S RESUME

Deer Sir,

I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me belly well.

I'm lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.

I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. . . hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.

Sinseerly,
Peggy May Starlings

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.

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Employer's reply......

Dear Peggy,

It's OK honey, we've got spell check.....

Welcome onboard!!

Are you a good parent?

his is a powerful message in our modern society……… One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the first interview. The director did the last interview, and was to make the last decision. The director discovered from the CV that the youth's academic achievements were excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never had a year when he did not score. The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarships in school?" the youth answered "none". The director asked, "Was it your father who paid for your school fees?" The youth answered, "My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.” The director asked, “Where did your mother work?" The youth answered, "My mother worked as clothes cleaner. The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect. The director asked, “Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?" The youth answered, "Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.” The director said, "I have a request. When you go back today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.” The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to the kid. The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water. This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fee. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence and his future. After finishing the cleaning of his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother. That night, mother and son talked for a very long time. Next morning, the youth went to the director's office. The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, asked: “Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?" The youth answered, “I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes”. The Director asked, “please tell me your feelings." The youth said, “Number 1, I know now what is appreciation. Without my mother, there would not be the successful me today. Number 2, by working together and helping my mother, only I now realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done. Number 3, I have come to appreciate the importance and value of family relationship.” The director said, “This is what I am looking for to be my manager.” “I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life. You are hired.” A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop "entitlement mentality" and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of people, who may be good academically, may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel sense of achievement. He will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying the kid instead? You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow gray, same as the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your kid learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done. You would have forwarded many mails to many and many of them would have back mailed you too...but try and forward this story to as many as possible...this may change somebody's fate.....

Psychology of marital love

During a seminar, a woman asked a common question.
She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a man sitting next to her so I said,
"It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind..
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse.
You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression.
It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens)
and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage
you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage..
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?"
And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfilment.
Extramarital fulfilment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious.
But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because .. listen carefully to this

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.. It'll NEVER just happen to you.
You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out.
That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM.
You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery.
There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship
WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect.
If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... You can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.



"No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by CHOICE.”

THE ART OF GIVING

In these days of a daily scam -
food for thought-
Learn the "Art of Giving"

The Art of Giving "Rivers do not drink their own water, nor do tree eat their own fruit, nor do rain clouds eat the grains reared by them. The wealth of the noble is used solely for the benefit of others! Even after accepting that giving is good and that one must learn to give, several questions need to be answered. The first question is: When should one give? We all know the famous incident from Mahabharat. Yudhisthir asks a beggar seeking alms to come the next day. On this, Bhim rejoices that Yudhisthir his brother, has conquered death! For he is sure that he will be around the next day to give. Yudhisthir gets the message. One does not know really whether one will be there tomorrow to give! The time to give therefore is now. The next question is: 'How much to give?' One recalls the famous incident from history. Rana Pratap was reeling after defeat from the Moghals. He had lost his army, he had lost his wealth, and most important, he had lost hope, his will to fight. At that time, in his darkest hour, his erstwhile minister, Bhamasha, came seeking him and placed his entire fortune at the disposal of Rana Pratap. With this, Rana Pratap raised an army and lived to fight another day. The answer to this question how much to give is: "Give as much as one can! The next question is: 'What to give?' It is not only money that can be given away. It could be a flower or even a smile. It is not how much one gives but how one gives that really matters. When you give a smile to a stranger that may be the only good thing received by him in days and weeks! "You can give anything but you must give with all your heart!" One also needs answer to this question whom to give? Many times we avoid giving by finding fault with the person who is seeking. However, being judgmental and rejecting a person on the presumption that he may not be the most deserving is not justified. “Give without being judgmental!" Next we have to answer: 'How to give?' Coming to the manner of giving, one has to ensure that the receiver does not feel humiliated, nor the giver feels proud by giving. In giving, follow the advice 'Let not your left hand know what your right hand gives? Charity without publicity and fanfare is the highest form of charity.' 'Give quietly!' While giving, let not the recipient feel small or humiliated. After all, what we give never really belonged to us. We come to this world with nothing and will go with nothing. The thing gifted was only with us for a temporary period. Why then take pride in giving away something which really did not belong to us? Give with grace and with a feeling of gratitude. "What should one feel after giving?" We all know the story of Eklavya. When Dronacharya asked him for his right thumb as "Guru Dakshina, he unhesitatingly cut off the thumb and gave it to Dronacharya. There is a little known sequel to this story. Eklavya was asked whether he ever regretted the act of giving away his thumb. He replied, and the reply has to be believed to be true, as it was asked to him when he was dying. His reply was "Yes! I regretted this only once in my life. It was when Pandavas were coming in to kill Dronacharya who was broken hearted on the false news of death of his son, Ashwathama, and had stopped fighting. It was then that I regretted the loss of my thumb. If the thumb was there, no one could have dared hurt my Guru? The message to us is clear. Give and never regret giving! And the last question is: ‘How much should we provide for our heirs?' Ask yourself 'are we taking away from them the gift of work? - A source of happiness? The answer is given by Warren Buffett: "Leave your kids enough to do anything, but not enough to do nothing!" I would conclude by saying: Let us learn the Art of Giving, and quoting the Saint Kabir: "When the wealth in the house increases, when water fills a boat, throw them out with both hands!" This is the wise thing to do!